As long as I'm living.. My baby you'll be

Thanksgiving Day 2012 - Will was four days old

I know I won't have time tomorrow to blog so I knew I had to write something now. Tonight was the LAST night that Will went to bed as my baby boy. Tomorrow he'll wake up as my one year old. One year old. That's a lot of emotion in three little words. I thought "I love you" were the three most amazing words in the entire English language. I was wrong. After having a preemie, "one year old" is definitely the most wonderful words I've heard.

Will David Spinnenweber 3lbs 8oz 17.5 in
November 18, 2012 9:53 pm 

Once tiny, always strong

So many wires for such a tiny little peanut

Crying for Aunt Melanie

During our thirty minute window of holding him

Rocking him for the brief time he was allowed outside of the isolette

When we had Will six weeks early, I didn't think the NICU experience would ever end. The devastation of having to leave your newborn baby inside the tiny glass box while you walk away.. that will never compare to any other feeling in the world. Dave had to rip my hands away from the incubator when we had to leave the first night. They say that the baby will never remember what happened in the NICU but that doesn't matter because I will never forget every minute of that experience.

Our room at the Children's Home

Strapped in and ready to go by ambulance to the Children's Home

My typical NICU day, after we moved Will into the Children's home, was monotonous and thankfully uneventful. We were very lucky in the fact that Will did not have a lot of issues and had a relatively calm stay. If Dave wasn't staying in the NICU with me, I slept in Will's room on a cot. Through the night I'd wake up every three hours. The first wake up at midnight was easy. Sometimes I'd stay awake till then or just lay on the cot and doze on and off. I'd take Will's temperature and change his diaper. Measure how much pee or poop was in it and chart it for the nurse. We usually had some amazing nurses. There was one that was slightly off and I made sure to make mention that we didn't want her anymore. We rotated from a younger nurse and an older nurse. Both were amazing at getting him to eat his entire bottle. So after the nurse came in to make sure I was up and giving him his bottle and get his chart, I'd feed him his bottle and then we'd cuddle for a few minutes. Usually he went right to sleep after eating his bottle. After he had to go back into his isolette, I told the nurse how much he ate and then I started pumping. I exclusively pumped for three months. It was hard and it was worth it and I wish I was able to do it longer.

Feeding Will for the first time

Daddy feeding Will

The tape under his nose is to hold his feeding tube or "ng tube" in place

Pumping took about 20 minutes. I'd get to bed with at least two hours of sleep before the next wake up. Three am came too fast and sometimes I'd pump while the nurse fed him and then head back to bed. Six am was easy because after I pumped, I showered and got something to eat. We were very lucky to have such amazing nurses. So each day, every three hours, we'd take temperature. We'd weigh the diaper. We'd chart everything. I'd just sit and watch him sleep in his isolette. I'd talk to my mom on the phone. My dad would stop by on lunch. Dave's mom would come by after dinner. My mom later on at night. We'd just hang out in the room until the next three hours.

Always escaping my swaddle

FINALLY NO NG TUBE!

First smile

The first time in an open air crib! One step closer to home

Going home! December 11, 2012

I remember so many details of that time. I remember so much emotion. I remember the first day I didn't cry at all. I remember my birthday being one of the hardest days. He was so close to coming home but he failed the car seat test. I didn't want to leave the hospital that night but I had to get home and get his room ready for when he did come home. I honestly can't believe any of that ever happened. It's so strange to think that was only a year ago.

Tiny little peanut

First Christmas

So tiny 

The only picture with a pacifier. First day home

Daddy aka "Swaddle Champ"

When I found out I was pregnant, I was happy and excited. When I started having issues in the pregnancy and had so many appointments a week, I was scared but hopefully I'd make it to 40 weeks. When we went to the hospital the day before he arrived, I was in shock and it wasn't really setting in that it was happening. When I was getting prepped for the c-section, I burst out into tears and it all hit me like a ton of bricks that this was it. When I woke up hours after the c-section and Will was born, the fear that I first felt was God awful. I woke up and Dave was next to me, his parents behind him and my parents at the end of my bed. I didn't know if Will was alive. I didn't know if he was going to be okay. Was he breathing? Was he sick? When can I see him?

New Years Eve 2012

My beautiful sister and best aunt ever to Will 

Will was perfect. From the minute he was born, he was perfect. He was my tiny little peanut. He'll always be my tiny little peanut. I would do anything for him and to see him hooked up to wires and a ventilator was one of the hardest things to see. Now that he's an entire year stronger, and I look back at where we started, my eyes just well up with tears. I'm so proud of him. If you follow me on instagram, you'll see two videos of Will taking a few steps today. STEPS! WALKING! My little man is almost walking. What an amazing milestone to hit on his first birthday.

Will,
You are everything we could have ever wanted in our life. You make our days exciting and filled with love. Everything that you have accomplished so far has only proved to us how amazing you will be when you're older. We wish that you'll always know how much we love you. You're one year old but you'll always be our baby.
Love, Mommy & Daddy

Look how far you've come

365 Days

In merely a week, my tiny little peanut baby boy will be an entire year old. The fact that this year has come and gone is insane. I literally was pregnant yesterday, I swear! We had Will' birthday at the beginning of November. He doesn't turn one until the 18th but with flu season and the holidays coming I wanted to do it early. I was waiting to blog about it until my sister posted her professional pictures of the party but she's busy finishing up at college and I'll post better pictures later on!

We had a John Deere themed birthday party. My aunt made his smash cake and the cake for family. She has done my shower cake and will be doing our wedding cake as well. I also had oreos as "spare tires" and cow tails and my best friend/maid of honor Jenny made us rice krispy treats as "hay bales"!

I did a few other crafty things with Jenny. We made his garland in the window that will go in his room now that the party is over. His room is green and yellow and rustic themed. I also made a banner for his birthday that I'll probably just keep forever because it's so awesome. I had some great food as well with some clever tags. The utensils were pitch forks, spades and shovels. We had deviled chicken eggs, Will's veggie garden pizza, sloppy cowboy joes, potatoes, wagon wheel mac n cheese and apples from Will's orchard.

He received so many wonderful gifts from friends and family. We are truly blessed to have this little boy in our lives. He's truly a miracle and I can't believe it's been a whole year. Our NICU journey seems like it happened yesterday but I'm glad to have a whole year of being out of the hospital under our belts. We'll definitely be celebrating lots of things like Will's actual birthday, his NICU release date and of course his actual due date even though it's Christmas day! We really do have a lot of things to be thankful for this year and Will is on the top of that list.

Enjoy your fall weather and be sure to look for Will's 12 month update after we hit the pediatrician for his one year appointment!! (: 

Run Forrest, Run!

In a mere 3 days I will run my first 5k. When I thought about doing a 5k I didn't think it'd actually happen. First off, I'm now (almost) 26 years old. I'm not running my 7 minute high school mile nor my 8 minute college mile. I have also drank and smoked plenty of my share of multiple substances. Wink, wink. On top of even THAT, I had a baby. Which you know, is slightly a big deal.

Before I was pregnant, or rather, before I knew I was pregnant, I had started a rather intense running regiment. That was, until first trimester kicked my ass and said "go take a nap instead lady! you're growing a tiny human being in your belly!" So running took a back burner and then I found out I was pregnant. I was all about being that pregnant woman who still ran. That slowly changed as well because of my long hours of work and just plain being tired. I was never so lazy in my life.. yet somehow only gained 11lbs during pregnancy. No, I didn't diet and no I didn't do anything to put Will in danger of being premature. Side note, I think it's sad that we have to mention those kinds of things because someone out there is stupid and takes things the wrong way. Anyway back on (the running) track..

Once I had Will and the weather broke in Pittsburgh, we started walking. I am engaged and wanted to get into better shape for the wedding not necessarily train to run a ramce. Will and I walked about 5 miles, three to four times a week, depending on the weather. Then life got in the way again and I would only walk about 2.5 miles with him. I have some pretty motivating friends who run a lot and run distances that no sane person ever should. So I thought about seeing what the smallest distance race is, the 5k, which is 3.1 miles. I thought to myself, if I can walk 2.5 in about half an hour, I can totally add another .6 and run that S.O.B! Haaaahaaaahaaa...

So I started running. I ended up running better than I thought and I was loving it. So I said the hell with it, I'll sign up for a race. This last month's training has been shit. Life has thrown a million things in my way recently and I am not liking that I don't have a free 15 minutes to run. On top of that the only week I had nothing, Will got a really high temp due to teething and I wanted to keep him inside. This morning I had a panic attack and wanted to back out of it. I want to do it don't get me wrong. I'm just making lame excuses up and I'm not some lame punk ass who backs out of things.

Another side note, I swear a lot and apparently today I am just on point or something. I apologize to those who can't take words with a grain of salt. Grow up. (:

So now with a mere three days left till the big day, the butterflies are there. The anxiety is heightened and my nerves are shot. I will kick this race's ass and I will have the biggest smile crossing that finish line and I will do it a hell of a lot better than I would have three months ago. I will be damn proud of this accomplishment and I will smile the whole time. I know that Dave is proud of me already but I want him to be like, yeah, that's my wife who just beat your time. I want Will to see his mom accomplish something that she's worked for. I want him to know that if he works for something he will do it. He won't be a punk ass either ;)


And with that I leave you my next goal... I WILL run a 10k by the time Will turns three years old! That gives me two years and a wedding to get through so I figured that would be a good time to accomplish that goal. Trust me, I'm going to be writing about those fears three days before that race as well. Enjoy life ladies & gents. I bid you adieu.