Easter Day

Today is Will's first Easter! I've never been all about holidays until I had a baby. Although Will is only four months old, I made him his first Easter basket and I'm sure he'll have a wonderful day with all of our family. I hope all of your Easter activities are wonderful and you spend a marvelous day with the people you love.

Four Months

I cannot believe that Will is four months old. Today, although the blizzard came through PA last night, we had our four month check up at the pediatrician. We braved the cold and slush filled back roads of the country and finally got to the doctors! I am super excited. Every doctor appointment is a milestone for us. From being weighed, to checking his head and charts, it's a very important and exciting day for a preemie momma!

Weighing in

Will weighed in today at 11 pounds 10 ounces! I could not believe he weighed in at that amount! I knew he gained but not that much. I'm so happy he's doing so well. Our doctor was happy too. She thinks by our 6 month appointment that he'll be on the charts for weight.. FINALLY! Such an exciting moment! He is such a long baby. Takes after Daddy.. he measured in at 23 1/2 inches long. Such a slender 11 pound baby boy. I think he's getting a little chunky in the cheeks though which is pretty awesome. His head is on the charts at 25% though and that definitely takes after Daddy and his brother.. the boys got some big heads over here!

Health

Will is healthy for his age even though he is still under the charts for weight. He has a flat spot on the back of his head. We are doing PT for it though because his neck is very tight and that's why the flat spot formed. He just can't turn his head evenly in both directions. The milestones for 2 months (adjusted age), he can do all of them. The four month milestones, (actual age) he was able to do half of. He got four shots today and another vaccine by mouth.

Sleep

Will naps on and off through the day but only gets one solid nap in normally. He does go down for bed really easily usually between 9 and 10 pm. He'll sleep until 7 am on a typical night but some nights, on occasion, he'll wake up at 4:30 am when Dave gets up to go to work.

Routine

7:00 am: Wake up, get changed, drink 4 oz Neosure, vitamin

8:00 am: Play on the play mat, tummy time

9:30 am: Nap

10:30 am: Drink 6 oz Neosure

11:30 am: Swing time! Or if it's Friday, Physical Therapy time

12:00 pm: Neck stretches, side stretches and more tummy time

1:30 pm: Drink 6 oz Neosure

2:30 pm: Nap time

5:30 pm: Up and moving, play time

6:00 pm: Drink 4 oz Neosure

7:30 pm: Daddy's home, play time and more tummy time

8:00 pm: Little bowl of rice cereal

8:30 pm: Bath time and bed time routine

9:15 pm: Last bottle of about 4 oz Neosure and bed time

Clothes

Will has been in 0-3 month clothing since middle of January, I think (bad mommy for not knowing!). He is getting so long though that 0-3 is so tight in length but still fits great for width. We are going to be moving to the 3-6 month clothing very soon! His woombie that zips up is too small now for night time sleep. I got the next size/kind. It's a velcro one. We'll see how that works tonight!

Diapers

Will is in size ones! So exciting since he started in super tiny preemie diapers.

Diet

Will drinks between 4 and 6 oz of Similac's preemie formula, Neosure. He also has been eating a bowl of rice cereal before bed time at night since last week. Doctor thinks we should wait on solids till he's 6 months. We'd rather keep him up with his peers on this front because he shows interest in eating with a spoon. His tongue does what it needs to so why hold him back in that aspect?

Milestone

3/5 - got a bumbo seat

3/7 - first PT session

3/14 - tried rice cereal for the first time

3/15 - first pi day! yes we are total geeks around here..

3/16 - his birth certificate finally arrived.. four months later, thanks PA

3/17 - first st. patty's day

3/18 - four months old

3/22- saw the easter bunny

3/25 - four month check up

*3/31 - will be his first easter!

Other fun stuff

Overall, Will is one of the happiest baby I have ever encountered. He only cries when he gets a shot, is overly hungry or is getting out of the bath. He smiles now socially, he laughs at his favorite kitty light up music toy. He loves to look at my hair when it's just pulled up in a bun on top of my head! It's too funny. He also loves to look at lights. He does well with PT and is growing nice and healthy. I cannot wait to see him start to really flourish. This past month has been awesome to really see him grow up to be a little boy instead of my baby peanut.

NICU Feelings

One of the many tests

The NICU is a scary place. One that makes anyone, no matter how many family and friends are around you, feel utterly alone. No matter when you have your baby, early, late, on your due date, any mother wants a healthy baby to be born. Of course while being pregnant you worry if something could happen to your unborn child. You do everything in your power to keep your baby healthy inside of you until they are ready to make their appearance into this world. Sometimes things come up that are beyond a mother's control. IUGR is a intrauterine growth restriction that causes a baby to be under the 10th percentile for gestational age. There are two types of IUGR. The first is where the baby's entire body and organs are small but in proportion to each other. The second is where a part of the body, typically the head and brain, are larger than the abdomen and limbs. I was considered the first, symmetrical IUGR.

Our room at the Children's Home

I tried my best to not worry about this or research it too much because you'll never know what you'll find on the internet. I was right to not research it early on. The only time I started to read about it was when it was first brought up at my 30th week of pregnancy. They wanted to monitor me several times a week to keep an eye on the baby. They said if he didn't start growing more that we'd have to induce by 34 weeks. There were a lot of risks to not induce including still birth. There were risks because Will was considered IUGR. First, being induced at 34 weeks meant he would be in the NICU. There could be issues of breathing because his lungs may not have been as developed as a full term baby. There could be issues with blood sugar, bleeding in the brain and heart issues.

Too many wires, but look mom, no feeding tube! 

Less and less wires everyday

I accepted the fact that Will would be early but I don't think I ever accepted the fact that I wouldn't be taking my baby home with me from the hospital. I thought maybe one or two days and he'd be good to go. When he was born at 3lbs 8oz and I saw how tiny he was it was really hard to believe. We got discharged on Thanksgiving day. The hardest thing to do in anyone's life is to leave your child behind and leave the hospital without him. To see your child hooked up to monitors and wires and beeps that go off when he stops breathing or his heart stops pumping is one of the most heart wrenching feelings in the world. If you were a NICU mom and you didn't believe in God you definitely did after having your child in the NICU. I believe in God. I'm a Catholic and I fully believe that everyone in my family who prayed for us and for Will is why he is such a strong littler fighter. We had 23 days in the NICU. Some may say that's not too long and other's may think it's a lifetime. For me it was plenty.

First Thanksgiving in the NICU

First time feeding him at three days old

That damn feeding tube, and a hat that was way too big but doesn't fit today at four months old! 

It was hard enough to leave my son when I was discharged but it was just as bad leaving everyday after that until we moved him to the Children's Home. At the Children's Home, I was able to stay with him so I didn't leave for approximately 14 days that he was there. I stayed every night except the night we moved him there and the night before he was discharged so I was able to pack and get things ready at home for him. My son was considered a feeder/grower. His only issues were to learn how to eat and grow. We are beyond grateful for this. Will could have had so many other issues, with breathing, his heart, his brain, but the only issue Will had to overcome was growing.

Just hanging out in the incubator

Clothes that are too big, but clothes none the less!
Getting to put clothes on your baby in the NICU is a HUGE step

His comfy pose in the incubator

You feel so hopeless just sitting there, watching and looking at your child, hooked up to monitors, just praying an alarm doesn't go off to set you back another week. The heartache that I feel thinking back on all of this is so overwhelming. The tears streaming down my face right now are just a tiny tear compared to the amount that I shed while looking at my son in the incubator with the feeding tube going through his nose. Not being able to hold your son for more than 10 minutes at a time twice a day. There are so many more feelings that I have and could share. For now this is enough. The hurt that I feel for other mom's still in the NICU with their children, is beyond words that I could type in a blog. Other parent's children's are far worse off than we were. Some children are still in the NICU fighting for their lives. Every middle of the night feeding, I wake up smiling because he is here with us. He woke me up. He is alive and breathing and he's home. For now, this is enough. I cherish every moment with him, good, bad, crying, laughing. I hug him tighter and tighter and yearn for the day that he'll hug me back. I kiss him all the time. I tell him how much I love him and how amazing he is. Every milestone is going to be such a celebration in our household. Will he roll over on time with his peers? Will he crawl on time with his peers? Will he stand up at all? Will he ever walk without assistance? All of these milestones are going to be celebrated with such happiness in our household no matter how small. And for now, this is enough.

NICU Mommy

When I found out I was pregnant, the doctor gave us a due date of December 27, 2012. After not finding a heart beat at our first appointment, talk about scary, she sent us for an ultrasound. The ultrasound went fine and we found out that the baby seemed to be more on track with a due date of December 25, 2012! Christmas baby! We were happy that everything was going so well. I did everything I could to help keep him safe inside me. I took my vitamins. I ran almost daily or at least exercised a bit. I quit drinking coffee and cut out the sugar. I ate healthy for the most part and ate more than what I was used to, as to give him the nutrients he needed. In my second trimester, the doctor's started to get worried. The baby wasn't growing according to their charts. He was a tiny little baby that's for sure. By my 30th week of pregnancy. I was going to the doctor nearly three times a week for NST's, dopplers and ultrasounds. Will was estimated at 2lbs 10oz at 30 weeks gestation. By my 34th week, we were ordered to go downtown to the hospital on Saturday morning for another ultrasound. The doctor warned me that it could be time to get the baby out instead of letting him stay inside me. She said we were considered IUGR, intrauterine growth restricted, meaning he just wasn't getting what he needed from me to grow. The risk of keeping him in would be worse than getting him out early. If we kept him in longer, there was a risk of still birth and that killed me just thinking about it. I was more than okay with being induced but it definitely wasn't in my birth plan!

Family of three for the last time!

On Saturday, November 17th, they admitted us to be induced. My parent's were picking up my sister at college 5 hours away. We let them know what was going on and they cut their stay short, got my sister, and came home. Everything was going on so quick that honestly I didn't have time to accept the fact that our son was going to be here instead of inside me. I was in labor for 30 hours and only dialated to 3cm. The pain on Saturday evening got so bad that I got sick and then they gave me the epidural. After getting that I finally felt okay and got some sleep. By Sunday afternoon they had us meeting with the NICU doctors to discuss what will happen when we had Will. Sunday they made the decision that since they broke my water already and I wasn't progressing that if by 8pm Sunday night, if I wasn't progressing enough that it would have to move to a c section. I was fine with all of this. It was as if I wasn't really comprehending anything that was going on yet. I heard everything and knew everything that was going on but nothing hit me until 9pm when she checked me again. At that point she said we'll be having a c section and I just looked at Dave and started crying. It became real at that point. They started to numb me up some more and it just wasn't working. The wheeled me into the OR and I said bye to Dave for the time being. He got his suit on to come into the OR with me. They are still numbing me up at this point because I was still feeling them poke me with a needle. They told me and Dave that they had to put me under general anesthesia. Dave had to leave. I started crying again. I didn't want Dave not to be there with me even though I was asleep in two seconds. Honestly, after that I don't remember anything. I remember it was almost 10pm and I woke up and it was 2am. I looked at my mom first, she was at the foot of my bed. I closed my eyes again. I opened them and grabbed Dave's hand to the right of me. I looked at him and asked how the baby was. He said he was great and was in the NICU. I then asked if the Steelers lost. We did. Then I asked if my fantasy team won. I did. After that we said goodbye to my mom and dad, and his mom and dad. They finally took us up to our post-partum room on the high risk suite.

Will was born that nigh at 9:53pm. He weighed 3lbs 8oz and was 17.5 inches long. He did cry when he was born. His apgar score was a 3 at one minute and 9 at five minutes. He was on oxygen for about 24-36 hours.

Meeting Will for the first time

Finally able to hold my baby

He got food by a NG tube on day 3. I pumped breast milk for him from the time I was in the post partum room till about 2 months of age (actual). Until he is two years old we have two ages for him, actual and adjusted. He was born 6 weeks early so until Christmas day he was considered 0 weeks old. So although today is his 4 month birthday, 17 weeks old, he is really only 11 weeks old when you subtract those 6 weeks. He was almost two days old before I was able to see him. He was so small. It was so surreal. I just wanted to take him home with us and we couldn't. He was in the incubator for weeks. The NICU at Magee where we had Will is amazing. They are the best by far. After about a week in the NICU, they said because Will was so stable, we were moving upstairs to their NICU where they have the most stable babies. Will did great there but we did have a nurse and a doctor let us know we had an option of moving Will. After finding out that we wouldn't be charged to move him to the Children's Home, and that I was able to stay with him there, we decided that was best. After moving him I stayed there with him for the last two weeks of our stay in the NICU. We were there for a total of 23 days before he was able to come home with us. At discharge he was 4lbs 12oz and was eating without a tube, no oxygen and no bradys or apnea scares. That means his heart wasn't stopping and his breathing was normal. This was due to him being premature which is definitely a scary situation. But they cleared him to go home and we couldn't of been happier.

How tiny he was..

Feeding tube 

All strapped in and ready to be transported to the Children's Home!

In an open air crib! One last step before going home. 

Discharge day! Time to go home in my car seat! 

Through this whole ordeal, Dave was beyond amazing. He was the most supportive boyfriend. He talked to all the doctors while I was out of it. He knew all the information for Will and his NICU. He knew it all. I could never thank him enough for what he did for our family during that time. I love him more and more every day thinking about what he did for us. I know this is long but that's our birth story. The NICU feelings will come in another post. That will need to be saved for another day and I hope you come back to continue to read about our journey!